Bloodstains On The Looking Glass

A ribald old-timey revue, featuring the Scots Flying Monkey Battalion and Shakey Pervy Pete, the Inelegant Dinner Guest.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Scripty Sample-y

I get asked for script samples constantly...here's the third of three short stories from Bop #86, and a personal favorite of mine. The idea was to spotlight three completely distinct elements of the book in seven pages each. This was illustrated by the very talented David Lopez.

BIRDS OF PREY #68

A WAKEFUL TIME

PART THREE

Well, it’s my lucky day to work with three great artists on this book! David, any panel layouts are just suggestions, and if you have a better, more dramatic way to do this, feel free. Just as long as the basic actions are conveyed.

REFERENCE DAVID WILL NEED:

Current Huntress costume

Helena Bertinelli’s mobster look from the BATTLE WITHIN arc

Don Sigiorello, same arc.


PAGE ONE:

PANEL ONE: Big panel, 2/3 page. Huntress, inside a formerly perfectly normal middle-class American two-story house. But a hardcore gang has moved in, and they’ve trashed most of the inside. There’s spray-painted graffiti on the walls (gang-style stuff), a twin-size bedspring mattress is leaned against the wall. The few furnishings have liquor bottles and ashtrays and crap on them, and the whole place is pretty disgusting. The ONLY area that’s nice and clean is the bigscreen tv and stereo components. In comparison to the first two stories, this one’s going to be a bit brutal. Think European crime comics, or Dark Knight with a uterus. Finally, the big living room has a staircase heading to the second floor.

In the center of this squalid setting is Huntress, in full fury, kicking a machine gun wielding gang member in a flying kick to his head. She’s PISSED OFF.

TITLE AND CREDITS

A WAKEFUL TIME, PART THREE

GAIL SIMONE: WRITER

DAVID LOPEZ: PENCILLER

RACHEL GLUCKSTERN: ASST. EDITOR

JOAN HILTY: EDITOR

HUNTRESS CAP: This is my favorite time.

PANEL TWO: Outside the house, which has overgrown grass and weeds on an otherwise perfectly lovely suburban street. The street is lined with trees, and it’s Autumn, so the leaves are falling. The gang member’s machine gun is thrown through the front window hard enough to send glass shards flying everywhere.

THUG (off-panel, inside house): Wait. NO. DON’T.

HUNTRESS CAP: The leaves are falling.

HUNTRESS CAP: Gotham’s weirdly oppressive humidity becomes

bearable for a few brief weeks, preceding a cold that makes you feel

like your BONES are rotting from the inside.


PAGE TWO:

PANEL ONE: The machine gun, laying on the lawn where it landed, in the overgrown weeds. It lies next to a chubby, unblinking baby doll missing an arm and a leg.

THUG (TAILLESS): ARRRRRRRRRRUUGHKKKK!

HUNTRESS CAP: It wasn’t easy getting him to TALK.

HUNTRESS CAP: Not easy stuff at all.

PANEL TWO: A ten year old Caucasian kid, with sunken, troubled eyes, close up. This scene is all flashback, David, so whatever method you like to use to convey that is fine. He’s in a nice school room, and he’s talking with Helena, who is a teacher in her civilian identity, but we don’t see her yet. Corey’s wearing a Green Lantern shirt, blue jeans, and looks like the weight of the world is on his shoulder.

HUNTRESS CAP: Last semester, Corey was one of my best students.

COREY: C’n I GO now, Ms. Bertinelli?

HUNTRESS: Happy, smart, and FUNNY in a way beyond his

years.

PANEL THREE: Helena, looking down on him from her desk.

HELENA: Corey...

HELENA: I want you to know--I’m not exactly LIKE the other

teachers.

HELENA: If you tell me what’s wrong, maybe I could HELP.

PANEL FOUR: Back to the ganghouse, inside, Huntress is holding the first thug by the shirt with both hands. He’s missing a front tooth and is barely conscious. At the same time, she’s moving slightly out of the way of another Caucasian gangbanger who has a samurai sword and has swung it at her.

SECOND THUG: This OUR place, FOO.

PANEL FIVE: She kicks him, almost not paying attention, smashing him face first (and sword flying) straight into the bigscreen tv.

HUNTRESS: Sit down and shut up.

HUNTRESS: I’ll get to you in a MINUTE.

HUNTRESS CAP: Something in my tone must’ve, I don’t know...

HUNTRESS CAP: ...opened Corey’s floodgates. Because he

started talking.


PAGE THREE:

PANEL ONE: Silhouette, Helena and Corey as Corey talks, in the classroom flashback.

HUNTRESS CAP: Through tears he tried his best to hide, he told

me that his brother Ricky had been recruited by some local gangbangers with ties to the worst of Gotham’s drug retailers.

HUNTRESS CAP: Here in the suburbs, maybe five blocks

from my school. From MY students.

HUNTRESS CAP: From my KIDS.

PANEL TWO: Corey hugs Helena, who is surprised.

HUNTRESS CAP: Then he does something most ten year old boys

have FORGOTTEN how to do...he hugs me.

HUNTRESS CAP: Says he knows I can’t help.

HUNTRESS CAP: “But thanks for LISTENING, Ms. Bertinelli.”

PANEL THREE: Helena watches Corey leave the room.

HUNTRESS CAP: Ten years old, and he already knew that the

Gotham mobs run the cops, even out here where the leaves

fall so fetchingly.

HUNTRESS CAP: “I know you can’t help,” he said.


PANEL FOUR: Huntress leaps to the side as bullets come stinging down into the floor nearby where she had been from the staircase behind her.

HUNTRESS CAP: “But thanks for LISTENING, Ms. Bertinelli.”

FX (bullets): RATATTATTATTATT!

PANEL FIVE: Huntress leaps at the gun-wielding man, who is wearing only a white muscle shirt, brief underwear, and a black stocking cap on his head. Unlike the others, he shows no fear, even though he’s clearly in for a PUMMELLING.

HUNTRESS CAP: This is my favorite time.

HUNTRESS: I have a MESSAGE for you, sleazeball.


PAGE FOUR:

PANEL ONE: She smashes her fist brutally into his face. Helena’s not really the kindest of people, to be honest.

HUNTRESS: You are to LEAVE.

HUNTRESS: RICKY CAMPBELL.

HUNTRESS: ALONE.

HUNTRESS: Are we clear on this? He’s OUT.

PANEL TWO: The thug, incredibly, smiling, even with a bit of blood on his teeth and one eye swelling shut.

THUG: Nah. We like Ricky.

THUG: He stays.

HUNTRESS: What did you...

THUG: He stays.

PANEL THREE: Huntress, holding him up by his shirt, points her crossbow right at his face.

HUNTRESS: You have no IDEA what you’re saying.

THUG: Yeah, witch, I do. I’m SAYIN’I don’t matter. You shoot me, they put someone else in charge.

THUG: Hey, how ‘bout, soon as you leave here, I go round to Ricky’s

house, and beat the crap outta his momma with a double-size BRICK, how would that be?
PANEL FOUR: The thug, up close, grinning.

THUG: I’m SAYIN’ next time I see you face, maybe Ricky’s

DADDY bidness burn down, with him IN it, could be.

THUG: I’m SAYIN’ you LOSE.

THUG: Now get out my house, less you gonna find a pair

and SHOOT.

PANEL FIVE: Huntress’ eyes narrow.

HUNTRESS CAP: He means it.

HUNTRESS CAP: I forgot the rule.

PANEL FIVE: The thug, suddenly alone.

THUG: I’m SAYIN’ we both know you a PUNK, skank.

THUG: And you ain’t WELCOME.

HUNTRESS CAP: You can’t threaten a man with nothing to lose.


PAGE FIVE:

PANEL ONE: Helena, in her apartment, still in her outfit, but taking off her mask, a look of concern on her face.

HUNTRESS CAP: I’ve made it worse.

HUNTRESS CAP: I may have put Corey’s family in real danger.

HUNTRESS CAP: “I know you can’t help,” he said.

HUNTRESS CAP: He was right.

PANEL TWO: Huntress stares at the phone.

HUNTRESS CAP: Babs got me this teaching gig, when no one

wanted to hire me for the thing I love most in the world.

HUNTRESS CAP: She knew what it would mean to me.

HUNTRESS CAP: Damn. For Corey’s sake--

PANEL THREE: Helena, holding the phone.

HUNTRESS CAP: -- this is no time for pride.

HELENA: Barbara? I need some advice.

HELENA: No, not from you.

HELENA: From ORACLE.

PANEL FOUR: Don Sigiorello, in his nightclothes, smoking a cigar, hurriedly packing clothes into a suitcase. This is his bedroom, and he’s a mob boss, so it needs to have that sort of old world elegance that costs a fortune.

HUNTRESS CAP: See, I thought I could BE her. Emulate her

methods. Go ‘undercover,’ with my own team , only using my own

family LEGACY as our entrance fee.

SIGIORELLO: Damn, damn, damn!

HUNTRESS CAP: Instead of beating up a thug in an alley, I envisioned putting whole MOBS away for GOOD.

PANEL FIVE: Sigiarello acts in surprise as Helena speaks, she’s been sitting in a chair in the shadows all along. She’s sitting in a chair next to an antique vanity. Helena is wearing a black powersuit and skirt, and looks every bit the elegant mafia princess.

HUNTRESS CAP: Only it’s tougher than it looks, way more

COMPLEX, as well.

HELENA: Hello, Don Sigiorello. You can stop packing.

HELENA: You’re not going ANYWHERE.

HUNTRESS CAP: And I finally have to admit it--

HUNTRESS CAP: --maybe there’s a REASON why Oracle and

Batman have to be the way they are.


PAGE SIX:

PANEL ONE: Sigiorello grabs a pistol from his suitcase.

HUNTRESS CAP: Maybe because, if they acted like PEOPLE--

SIGIORELLO: KNEW you were bad news, Helena. Friend of your

dad or not, the penalty for trespassing here is DEATH.

HUNTRESS CAP: -- they wouldn’t be able to do their JOBS.

PANEL TWO: Helena checking her lipstick in the big vanity mirror, opening her mouth wide. In the mirror, we see Creote is holding Sigiorello up by his gun hand, apparently crushing it.

HELENA: Yes, but death for WHOM, Don Sigiorello?

HELENA: You’ve already met my friend Creote, of course.

SIGIORELLO: AAAAAAAAARHH!

PANEL THREE: Helena stands in front of Sigiorello, who is on his knees, holding his bloody hand.

HELENA: Here’s how it’s going to be:

HELENA: Right now, the Gotham mobs blame you for the debacle

with the drug shipment from Singapore, the one that nearly

bankrupted the families.

HELENA: They’re on their way now to slit your throat on your own

billiard table.


PANEL FOUR: Helena picks up Sigiorello’s gun.

HELENA: I can save you. I’ve already made arrangements.

SIGIORELLO: What? HOW?

HELENA: We tell them your driver, Freddy, gave the orders without

your permission.

HELENA: I have forged documents in his handwriting under the front seat of his car. Bank statements, plane tickets. I can guarantee

your name will be cleared.

PANEL FIVE: Helena, smiles.

HELENA: In return, you will do me three favors; one, you will

close off the supply of narcotics to the Highland Hills area completely.

HELENA: You will shut down the gangs there. You will

offer our protection to the family of a young man named Ricky

Campbell. Anyone touches them, answers to US.

HELENA: And finally...


PANEL SIX: Helena faces an angry Sigiorello, who is still on the ground. She kneels slightly.

HELENA: Within one month, you will announce me as your

new CAPO.

SIGIORELLO: WHAT? I can’t...they’ll NEVER...

HELENA: Hush. Because you knew my father, you get one

small chance.


PAGE SEVEN:

PANEL ONE: David, this panel is 2/3rds of the page, and it has to be EXTREMELY similar to the layout of the last panel of page ten of issue #82 of Birds of Prey, the scene where Sigiorello warns Helena.

Only this time, it’s the exact opposite. Helena is in control, warning Sigiorello, and she has her hand on his chin, making him meet her eyes, like he did to her in #82. This time, Sigiorello looks upset and scared.

HELENA: But if you fail...

HELENA: ...think of the very worst thing. The WORST thing.

HELENA: And then, think HARDER.

PANEL TWO: Inside a nice BMW car, Creote driving, Helena grabbing her cell phone. Helena’s smiling. It’s night, and they’re in the same clothes as the previous scene.

HUNTRESS CAP: Maybe it’s not such a bad thing, admitting you

need help once in a while.

HUNTRESS: Thanks for the back-up, Creote.

CREOTE: I enjoyed it, actually.

HUNTRESS: Hang on, got someone ELSE to thank.

PANEL THREE: Helena, on the cell phone in the car, smiling.

HELENA: Bar...Babs?

HELENA: Yeah. It went swimmingly. Thank you.

HUNTRESS CAP: Your family’s safe, Corey. That’s what counts.
PANEL FOUR: The car drives off into the night.

HUNTRESS CAP: So let’s see what OTHER impossible things

we can accomplish together, Oracle.

HUNTRESS (inside car): One last thing--that jacket Zinda’s

holding for me?

HUNTRESS (inside car): I’ll TAKE it.


59 Comments:

  • At 4:27 AM, Blogger Robin said…

    Just curious: When you type something like...
    HUNTRESS: No.
    and then right after type something like...
    HUNTRESS: I mean yes.
    ... is that just shorthand for two different word balloons?

    Thanks
    (I saw you on A&E the other night too. Neat)

     
  • At 7:05 AM, Blogger Gail Simone said…

    Yes, and the way you split up the number of word balloons is vitally important. Three sentences in one balloon is a completely different feel from two sentences in one and the last in another, or one in each of three balloons.

    Gail

     
  • At 11:35 AM, Blogger Marty4Magik said…

    Every time I see these things, I am amazed by it.
    There always goes so much work in these things!

    LOVE David Lopez' art.
    First saw it in Fallen Angel, and I was pretty sad him not doing FA at IDW, but I am glad he still does work for DC. He's a great artist!

     
  • At 11:59 AM, Blogger Danielle Ni Dhighe said…

    Thank you for posting this, Gail. As an aspiring comics writer, I appreciate seeing how established writers do things. One question: how do you determine how many panels should be on each page? Do you have a formula or do you pre-visualize it in your head?

     
  • At 8:59 PM, Blogger Hameed said…

    Thanks Gail for posting this script. I too am always fascinated to see the different styles that writers use. When I find a script online (like yours), I usually go out and buy the issue if I don't already have it, so that I have a frame of reference. On that note, I'd like to clarify something in case any of your other new readers would like to do the same (and Gail, please, correct me if I'm wrong): this is the script for BOP #86 like it says in the preamble at the top, not BOP #68 like it says in the script title just below Gail's opening paragraph.

    Again, thanks, Gail. And please post more scripts!

     
  • At 9:31 PM, Blogger Jack Bennett said…

    Interesting in how similar (but yet not) it is too some things in my playwriting class.

    Glad to know you've got a blog, Gail (who has now surpassed Geoff Johns as my favorite creator since you say more than "wait and see"). I wonder how long you'll keep it up before it drives you crazy (and I know whereof I speak).

     
  • At 10:46 AM, Blogger Mark "Puff" Anderson said…

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

     
  • At 10:49 AM, Blogger Mark "Puff" Anderson said…

    Wish blogger had an edit feature other than delete for when you mess up a comment...anyway...

    ...the way you split up the number of word balloons is vitally important. Three sentences in one balloon is a completely different feel from two sentences in one and the last in another, or one in each of three balloons.

    Just for structure or to give the illusion of a pause or the passage of time for the character on the page?

    Mark "Puff" Anderson

     
  • At 11:11 PM, Blogger Tesday said…

    Before you ask, "Yes, my name is spelled T-E-S-D-A-Y." I'm not dyslexic. I was born on a Tuesday to a woman who can't spell.

    Now, other than that chip on my shoulder I want to say that I'm so thankful you show scripty sample-y's. (T_T) You're so sweet.

    And, would you know why there is not more female comic book writers?

    Thank you

     
  • At 11:12 PM, Blogger Tesday said…

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

     
  • At 3:59 PM, Blogger Chris Thorn co-host of That's Good to Know said…

    I heard about your blog through the interview you did with the wordballoon podcast. I love your writing and I have been wanting to see what a comic script looks like. I just picked up the All New Atom and anything else I could find with your name, Brian Bendis' or Joss Weedon's on it. Writers like the three of you are why I am glad I got back into comics

     
  • At 1:23 PM, Blogger Jeff.Fred said…

    Quick Q:

    Why do you only give panel direction in some panels?

    When I'm writing I like to think of the layout and I give fairly specific directions as to how I'd like to see the panels. Though, I've been told I shouldn't do this.

     
  • At 8:37 PM, Blogger CeeDiddy said…

    Very cool post. As a writer I always love to compare the scripts to the final product. Also wanted to give you a heads up that I recently made a post on my blog about other bloggers who work in the comic book industry and put a link to your blog on there. Sure only 3 people are going to see it, but its a quality 3 people.

    ~Diddy

     
  • At 2:36 AM, Blogger Brandon said…

    "...Dark Knight with a uterus."

    Ha! Best direction I've read in a while.

    These posts are so useful to someone trying to learn how to write a script. Any chance you'll be publishing any scriptbooks in the near future?

    Do you find it useful to have regular conferences with artists or do you prefer communicating almost entirely through the script?

    The All-New Atom is a great read. You can't go wrong with a sinister pack of dogs.

     
  • At 11:33 PM, Blogger Dan said…

    Great Jumpin' Glitterhoppers! Gail Simone has her own blog... and on Blogger no less. How the hoot did I miss this? Who the hell am I, and what am I doing under this rock?

    Hmmm... lots of interesting stuff here. You've got trolls, cool people, deleted posts and everything. Think I'll go poke around awhile while you're away at Comicon.

     
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  • At 4:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Sorry this is off-topic, but I've no idea where else to say it.

    I'm new to your comic Birds of Prey, and recently picked up a collection of issues #76-85. I live in Singapore, and I felt that the way you portrayed my country and its citizens was hurtful and insulting. You made it seem like the place is crawling with evil, kung-fu Chinese-y types who don't give a damn about liberty or civil rights and think women are an inferior species. Even your use of 'singlish' was inaccurate and difficult to understand, and it really isn't much consolation that our only saving grace are chilli crabs. The Michael Fay thing was over a decade ago - I doubt we do that whole caning over vandalism thing anymore (I was 5 yrs old at the time...I'm 17 now, and I'd agree the punishment was overkill). Our politics are different, but Singapore really isn't the place you made it out to be.

    ...Well. I don't mean to chew you out on your own blog, and my opinion probably isn't worth anything, but I'd heard some nice things about Birds of Prey, and finally getting round to reading what you'd written just really turned me off. It's especially difficult to take because I respect you as a writer and your WIR work, so...yeah. I'll go away now.

     
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